Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
