found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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