So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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