I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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