remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So many bounce houses so little time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
