you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
tell me about the fingering
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