Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
