just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
