So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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