He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
