i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
