I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
