best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
