Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
