Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Someone signed my nipple.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
