Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
