O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
