just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
