Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
