i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
