mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
