escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
