I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
