he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
