have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
someone owes me an orgasm
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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