i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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