dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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