So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
