I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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