I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
