a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
