Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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