She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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