had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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