i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
