Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
