can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
