i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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