Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
