I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
