she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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