weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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