This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
