I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
