I'm gonna have a badass scar
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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