If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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