i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
