no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
