direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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