Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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