Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
