my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
