last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
